My First Setback in Awhile

For some reason on Tuesday I decided to buy Cadbury mini eggs at a convenience store. I had to get cash from the ATM for my daughter and so I bought a coffee. (I live in a rural area where a bank is far away) Right at the register was a big bin of candy on sale. The mini eggs are my favorite and I can eat them by the pound. Usually every year I do. I said I can have a bag. I also bought a caramel egg too. I ate both.

I am not quite sure why this happened. I recently saw Jon Gabriel in a documentary and found him interesting. I checked out his website and bought his book on Kindle. I read it in a day. (I always do this with diet books) I devour them. I cannot tell you how many books I have read about this topic in my lifetime. And the money I have spent!! It is staggering. But, I love to read and I love to learn new ideas. I take bits and pieces from everything.

He lost 200 + pounds by not dieting. He used visualization and ate healthy foods. He believes diets make you fat and put you into fat mode. So, I have been listening to the night visualization CD. After the first night, I bought the chocolate. The next day, I ate two brownies before 9 am and had 3 cookies from the cafeteria and scarfed them down. What happened?

I believe I ate this junk yesterday because I had a frightening snowy ride into work. At one point I was fearing that I wouldn't make it without an accident. I struggled getting up hills and I couldn't see the road. Plus, it was rush hour. So, starting my day like that and then starting a new semester with new students at the middle school in which I work set me up for emotional eating. I get this urge that comes over me that makes me want to get sugar and fat and eat it a lot of it fast. That scares me into thinking that I won't be able to stop, like an alcoholic, smoker or drug addict once they use again. How do we, as humans who need to eat, handle this? I think the answer that I have to accept is that I cannot make any food off limits. And if I do have a binge, accept it and just get back on track the next day. But what if the binges continue? Accept it and try to get back on track as best I can.

I am feeling better today. I made sure I went on a run after work yesterday/ It felt amazing!! The snow was beautiful and I just felt happy and good. I believe it is imperative for me to get outside whenever possible and get my lungs and heart going. I feel lucky to have the knowledge that I have. I feel lucky that I have a body that can in fact go outside and run. I feel lucky that I live in a beautiful area. I feel lucky that I have a healthy family. The glass is half full.